Highway 400 Follies

Cops always have good stories, especially after a holiday weekend, about driving escapades on Hwy. 400. I doubt I can top their better ones, but a run from Toronto to Barrie today had me wondering how much weirder it can actually get.

I was driving Ol’ Blue, my ’90 vintage Miata. Observing the informal leeway margin most of my cop friends acknowledge as safe – from a ticket, I mean – I parked myself in the center lane at 120 kph, fully expecting to be generally going with the flow of traffic, except for the Beemer bombers, Corvettes and the like.

Not so. I was repeatedly passed by everything in sight, including six or sevenĀ Civics (one with a “baby on board” sign flapping in the back window), a couple of Mazda 3’s (OK, maybe that’s just that “Zoom Zoom” thing), a Honda Fit and a Smart Car (!). The latter must have been doing 150+, so those sneaky Krauts must have made a ‘performance version’ of that highway-legal skateboard.

As it started to rain, a disconcerting moment came when a guy dressed in t-shirt, shorts and sneakers, fully tucked into a Japanese crotch-rocketĀ blasted by me at no less than 160 kph. As he went by, it went from rainfall to torrent. I could just barely make him out getting small in the distance. I fully expected to see him (momentarily) strewn all over the highway as the water accumulation got to major hydroplane levels. Fortunately not, though.

The most formidable piece of roadrunner gear I saw was a Porsche Cayenne ‘S’ dawdling in the far right lane at not much more than 85 kph. When I looked over at the driver as I went by, it turned out to me a woman who was at least 80 years old.

The final punctuation mark for the trip was sharing an off-ramp with a thoroughly pimped out Honda CR-V (yeah, a Honda CR-V!) with 20+ inch chrome wheels, a light bar and oodles of other pimp bling, driven by a guy who could pass for my dad.

Hwy 400 could probably write a book……

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